🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, but I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.